“How do I address my dying dad? What do I ask, how can I comfort him, and also prepare myself for these last few months of his life?”
~Allie
Dear Sistar,
The beauty in this question is that your dad is still alive! Although there is likely a lot of grief already at hand, knowing what is coming, there is so much gratitude to be had in being able to have this time together and choose to use it wisely, as not everyone gets such grace. I am unsure of the relationship you had with your dad growing up, but it doesn’t really matter. These fleeting moments with him are a gift for you both. Soak in as many stories as you can. Listen to as much wisdom as he can share. Laugh until your belly hurts. Shed as many tears that need to fall. You might find that he will want to do the same.
What do I ask? Speak without restriction so there are no regrets later.
How can I comfort him? Just ask him… Dad, what can I do for you today?
Maybe he’ll want to talk; maybe he’ll want to listen, or maybe he’ll want to just be still and present with you. I don’t think there is a wrong way to spend these last few months together, as long as you are together with an open heart. Offer apologies and forgiveness during this time as well, because this is what you will carry with you once he’s gone, so be sure to try and allow it. Again, I don’t know your relationship with your dad, but I think we all have a few apologies to offer our parents and can extend forgiveness just the same.
From the Akashic Tarot, I pulled the 3 of Forces in reverse – The Bird’s Nest. This card in reverse is a reminder to let go and not be afraid to take flight. Sometimes when we lose someone, we don’t know how to let go and we end up stuck in grief and sadness, or become immobilized out of guilt – which is not what our loved one would want! I feel this card is a reminder that choosing to be aware and present during this time with your dad IS how you are preparing for his passing.
Death is one of those things that everyone deals with differently because no one really knows how to deal with it at all. I think clarity can come from our core belief of what death is. If you believe that a person dies and that’s it, thinking about your loved one who has passed might feel more impossible to bear than a person who believes that although the person’s body may not physically be present, the person’s spirit lives on and stays with us forever.
So my question to you is, what do you believe about death?
As I’ve grown older, I’ve chosen to believe that when a person passes on, they are transitioning towards the next phase of their soul’s journey. They may not be here physically, but they are always here in spirit. Meaning although I cannot see the person, I can still talk as if they are here and if I allow it, I can feel the person as if they are here too. I can see them in a bird that lands on my railing, or when a rainbow appears in the sky. No… it’s not the same as being able to touch them and hug them, but my belief brings me comfort and peace.
No matter what religion you were as a child when the definition of “death” was likely told to you or what religion you practice now, you always have a choice to believe what you want. What beliefs about your dad passing on will bring you comfort? Cling to that, because that is where you will find peace. It might not be right away, but there will be a time when the gift of this time together will be brighter than the pain.
Advice lovingly & intuitively given by Toni Moné
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