I have three sisters. About 7 years ago, a lot of life changing events happened and not all of us were happy about each other’s decisions. I feel my older sister caused a lot of trouble for me and influenced the others to not have contact with me. A recent event caused one sister to reach out but it was to accuse me of a vile letter sent to her anonymously. Should I forgive and forget and try to repair relationships with my 3 sisters? ~Tabby
Dear Sistar,
The short and sweet answer is yes, but the secret about forgiveness is that it is not for the person you are forgiving – it is for you! It’s one of the greatest gifts you can offer yourself – allowing you the chance to move on and live a more happier and healthy life.
What is forgiveness?
Greater Good Magazine says: Psychologists generally define forgiveness as a conscious, deliberate decision to release feelings of resentment or vengeance toward a person or group who has harmed you, regardless of whether they actually deserve your forgiveness. So, it’s about choosing to release any negative energy that you are holding onto, and allowing yourself the space you need to process the experience, learn from it (because no experience is without its lessons), and let go so that you can find inner peace. Forgiveness is not for the person or people you are forgiving. It’s your first step towards freeing yourself from the heaviness of a past that has been weighing you down and not contributing to your growth as an emotional and spiritual being.
Attempting to repair the relationship with your sisters is ultimately a decision that you will have to make and does not need to be a part of the forgiveness process. Once you have chosen to forgive, it will be healthy for you to communicate how you felt, how you are feeling, and how you are choosing to move forward. This will help you establish healthy boundaries with your sisters as well. Regardless of what you decide to do, however, it’s important to remember what is in your control and what is not. Meaning…you can set the intention to repair the relationships with them, but you cannot force it. They will need to do their own inner-work to sort through their own thoughts and feelings from the past 7 years and choose how they are ready to co-exist with you in the present. They may not want to move past it all or they might be just as ready as you! Both are okay because what matters is how you choose to move forward with your life.
As to forgetting…you probably won’t, and no one will ask you to. However, once you forgive and release any negative energy you were holding onto, the emotions associated with the memories from that life changing event and the past 7 years may not affect you as heavily as they have. The more you can release, the less heavy it will all feel. Time is also a beautiful healer.
The 10 of Water from the Dreams of Gaia Tarot flipped out as I shuffled and asked for additional insight. It symbolizes both a beginning and an ending. It’s that moment when we let go of the emotions that bind us to the past and truly allow ourselves to live in the present for the first time. It symbolizes a time when we can move through life with a sense of ease and fluidity, even when surrounded by turmoil or conflict – when the weight of past emotions are released, and everything flows in a manner it is meant to. It’s that moment you choice to move on…
Take some time to process the events from the past – why you felt the way you did. What you learned. How do you feel now and how are you’re choosing to feel going forward? Then, realize that you have the choice to react in a different way towards your sisters, regardless of how they are with you now. You have control over the energy that you possess and project. If your sisters are open to rekindling a relationship with you, that’s wonderful… if that’s what you want! However, if you feel resistance or like they want to continue to carry a toxic relationship with you, then move on. Unfortunately, you might have to make the tough decision to cut the emotional chords from your loved ones if you want to live a healthier life. Fortunately, you get to choose to live a healthier life!
Advice lovingly & intuitively given by Toni Moné
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