I’m a single mom of 3 and we struggle. It’s been a while since I’ve been in a relationship & I need that in my life again. So, I’m trying to get myself ahead financially & find a new relationship. I know that I have some self care to do, too. I feel frozen because I’m not sure what to do. I’m stuck in life. What should I focus on first?  ~Melody

Dear Sistar,

This touched me so deeply because I am also a single mother of 3 and know how easy it is to feel overwhelmed when there is so much to focus on and 6 eyes always watching…your every move! But, it sounds like you already know the answer. You need to focus on YOU first! However, more specifically than self-care, you need to practice self-love which goes a bit deeper. 

What is Self-Love…

Self-love is shifting your focus away from anything you think you’re lacking, and towards empowerment, abundance,

and gratitude for what you have. 

Self-love is giving yourself the kind of love that you so naturally give to those you love the most in your life –

like your children, your family, or your friends. 

Self-love is honoring your body with movement like dance or exercise; providing it with healthy, nutrient-rich foods. 

Self-love is feeding your mind with positive words and thoughts; allowing yourself to let go of beliefs that no longer support your growth. 

Self-love is setting healthy boundaries – learning how to say “yes” when you mean yes, and “no” when you mean no. 

Self-love is being easier on yourself for all of your flaws, shadows, and darkness.

It’s about learning to forgive yourself and showing yourself compassion. 

Self-love is pleasuring yourself – yes, in that way, tapping into your sensuality and femininity.

Self-love is doing for you what you wish someone else would, like buying yourself flowers, taking yourself out to dinner, or treating yourself to something special.

It’s understanding that happiness is something only you can create. It’s realizing that it is not something you find in someone else. 

Self-love is not skimping on your own needs and wants! It’s making it a habit to fill your cup first and allowing the overflow

to nurture those around you.  

Self-love is aligning to the highest version of your self and learning to trust your intuition.

Self- love is learning to surrender…


Natalia Benson, a Women’s Empowerment Leader said it perfectly: “The Universe and the energy around you will meet you as powerfully, beautifully, and deeply as the energy that you put out.”  This means that once you are coming from a high-vibe place, oozing of confidence and self-love, and your frequency is aligned with how powerful you truly are, not only will life get fun, but abundance and love will flow in effortlessly.

Relationships act as our best mirrors in life. They reflect back to us what we are putting out. Ask yourself – would you want to attract someone who mirrors who you are right now? Or, would you rather wait a bit, until you’ve loved on yourself so hard that you have no doubts about who you are, what you deserve, and what you offer the world? Once you learn to truly love yourself, you will attract a partner who reflects your new, high-vibe state – maybe even a soulmate.  

Now is the time to work on yourself and be selfish! Yes, selfish! Review your finances without judgment and ask for help if it feels overwhelming. Find someone who can support you while working through any limiting beliefs you might have around money, or love, or beliefs that continue the narrative “we struggle.” And, lean into the things that bring you joy! As a Mother, it is your job to put your children first, but if your cup is empty, you will have nothing to pour into theirs.

YOU are the most important part in building a strong foundation for your family so be sure to fill yourself up with love.  


Advice lovingly & intuitively given by Toni Moné

Click here to submit a question to  Dear Sistar or to learn how to work with Toni Moné further.

Published by 13Moons

Toni Moné is a Writer and a certified Spiritual & Life Coach, with an interest in Human Design & Astrology. She is here to activate others,  shift perspectives, and tug at heartstrings. She continues to seek ways to combine her enthusiasm for writing with her passion for serving others, and has done this through her online column - Dear Sistar: My Love Letter to the Awakening Woman,  as well as through her creative writing. Her mission is to guide Women and support them as they awaken to their divine natures, learn to embrace their radical truths, express their unique dualities, and create their personal journeys to freedom.If you're interested in connecting with Toni, you can find her on IG: @tonishamone or email her at conversationswithtoni@gmail.com

Leave a comment