Renew, Rebirth, Return

I couldn’t plan my rebirth. No one can. Even when we do ‘plan it’ and it goes completely according to plan, there’s no way that we could ever prepare for the immense and intense underpinnings of psychological restructuring and integration that we will need to undergo when we realise that we have been rebirthed.

Every morning, when we wake, we are reborn. We birth ourselves anew with every inhale and every exhale, and every inhale in turn to follow. We rebirth ourselves with every meal, with every shit, with every sigh, with every cry. We rebirth ourselves with every yawn, with every laugh, with every dream, with every downfall. Every turn we take, we are birthing ourselves anew. 

It was the morning of my 27th birthday. I set my alarm to be able to wake up about 20 minutes before the time that I actually would have been born and went to draw a bath. When I got in the bath, I set a second alarm for the actual time of my birth. The plan? I was going to immerse my entire body- head and all- into the water, and when I heard the alarm go off on my phone, I was going to emerge. Reborn. I had set the alarm to go off to a specific song that I thought was appropriate for the moment. Little did I know, the setting did not stick. 

What happened instead was some divine intervention unlike any other.

There I was- head and all- fully immersed under the water. I had even stuck a washcloth over my eyes to replicate the full, dark, welcome of the womb. I was waiting there, under water, anticipating the sound of the song that would call out for my spiritual birthing when I would burst forth from the waters and into the cold air of my October bathroom. As I was tuning my ears to hear the first notes, I was surprised, instead, to hear the sound of a soft bell, followed by spoken words in the voice of a soothing sounding woman.

I lifted slowly- glidings of water caressing my face as it met the air- and reached over to dry my hands and check out what was playing. I did not need the towel, however, as I heard what the woman was saying, and immediately started chuckling, because I recognized the track. It was a guided meditation that I had uploaded onto my phone from a CD that I had purchased almost 2 decades prior called, “Renew, Rebirth, Return” from Kiowa. 

What I had originally planned to be this epic bursting forth from the waters to a vibrant song was instead a slow and steady rising up in confusion and almost seemingly a lack of intention. I remember thinking to myself, But this isn’t how I planned it!, before going back under the water and recalibrating myself to come back up once again.

How many expectant mothers plan the date of their C-sections only to go into labour a week or two early? How many farmers plan for their crops to bloom, only to be hit by one last frost and be delayed or even halted? How many kayakers make their way down the river and plan to go one way, only to find out that the current slants towards another bend? 

I couldn’t plan my rebirth. No one can. Even when we do “plan it” and it goes completely according to plan, there’s no way that we could ever prepare for the immense and intense underpinnings of psychological restructuring and integration that we will need to undergo when we realise that we have been rebirthed. 

When I came back up from the water once again, it still didn’t feel right, and so I went back under a third time. It was then that I smiled about as wide as my eyes opened and I busted out laughing underwater as I realised that I was literally playing out my theme for the year to come! I was about to enter a personal “3” year. 

In numerology, when you add your birth date, your birth month, and the current year, and then you add everything across and reduce it until you get a number 1-9, you can find out the energetic theme for your year. (If you are unclear on this and/or want to learn more, be sure to come to my Numerology for Rebirth workshop on April 4th on Zoom!). The number 3 denotes one’s life purpose, and 3 is all about communication, creation, creativity, transformation, and yes- you guessed it- life, death, and rebirth. 

So literally, this year was about to be about rebirthing myself over… and over… and over again. Which is what I was doing, metaphorically, every time I came out of the water, to none other than the cosmic humour of the accidental queuing of the “Renew, Rebirth, Return” meditation track. I have died and been reborn more times that I can count on any number of hands. In fact, I think myself to be dead and reborn every single morning. But it’s not just me- I think all of us die and are reborn every morning, and every waking minute of every single day. This is because our consciousness shifts from moment to moment, with new information streaming in and challenging us to meander to new perspectives on old beliefs, and therefore birthing new parts of ourselves all of the time. 

There are also scientific and energetic phenomena that bring about certain deaths and rebirths in our lives. 

Every year, we experience our “Solar Return”, i.e., our birthday- the point in time when the sun is in the same position in the sky where it was when we were born. I like to think of our birthdays as the death of ourselves at whatever age we are moving out of; that moment when we become our own ancestors as we birth ourselves anew at whatever age we are becoming. 

It takes 7 years for every single cell in our bodies to have died off and been replaced with new cells. That means that physically, every 7 years we are completely new physical human beings than we were 7 years prior. 

Every 9 years, we restart our numerological cycles, so every 9 years we are beginning the numerological “learning” cycle over again, learning the lessons that are brought by the energies of numbers 1-9, wherever your cycle might begin (to calculate your own birthpath number, add your birth day, birth month, and birth year together and then add across until you reduce it to a single digit number between 1-9… or, again, you can just wait and come to the numerology class that I’m teaching on 5 April which you can get tickets to, here).

Every 27-30 years, we experience our Saturn Return- the moment in time when the planet of lesson learning, realignment towards purpose and self-actualisation, and shadow work moves back into the same place that it was in the sky when we were born. This, in and of itself, tends to be a huge rebirth (or several rebirths over and over and over for the 2.5ish years that it occupies the sign that it was in when you were born). I began my own Saturn Return later on that year that I began with the bath rebirthing, so it was doubly appropriate that I began my year that way, and even triply appropriate because I, myself, am a birthpath 3. 

Speaking of the number 3, I think it to be apropos that the equinox takes place in the month of March, which is the 3rd month of the year (yes, where we are right now). In the southern hemisphere, it is the autumnal equinox, signifying the beginning of the fall; of the death of the earth as the leaves shed and the plants begin to disintegrate and the cold sets in. In the northern hemisphere, it is the vernal equinox, signifying the beginning of the spring; of the rebirth of the earth as she awakens with new life. 3, again, is the number of death, life, and rebirth. Gotta love when these energies line up.

The water gave way to new versions of me every time that I came out of it the morning of my 27th birthday. Each time I emerged I was clearer; more embodied; more intentional about being born into this world, again. 

That experience was powerful beyond measure, because it was the first moment in my life when I had actually chosen- of my own conscious, human volition- to be born here in this body on this planet. The rest of the time, it had felt like an obligation; something that my parents had decided for me that I needed to then carry out; something that my higher self had blueprinted for me before I got into this experience that I had begrudgingly semi-agreed with once in human form, because I was already here, and what-else-was-I-supposed-to-do. 

But this? This moment? I chose to be here; I chose to intentionally embody in this body on this planet, consciously, as a sovereign human being. And not only did I choose it, but the universe then threw the question at me of, “Are you sure you want to do this? What happens if it doesn’t happen the way that you thought it was going to? Are you really, truly positive you want to agree to be here?”, and I chose yes over, and over, and over again, each time more solidified, each time more committed, each time more intentional. 

It begs the question: How often are we just roaming this planet without the intention of truly being here? How often do we just feel obligated, or do we occupy space because we’re here and we don’t really know what else to do with ourselves?

So let’s renew. Rebirth. Return.

 

*Image from Unsplash.com

GO DEEP WITH RACHEL

Did this essay inspire you? Rachel is hosting a masterclass, Numerology for Rebirth on 5 April, 2022 at 7pm EST on Zoom! Get your tickets here to learn the ancient wisdom of numerology, how to apply it to your life, and how to calculate each year of your personal growth and the growth of the Collective! 

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