Recently my body saved my life. When I was attacked by a pack of 5 rabid looking dogs who wanted to eat me this week, my body dropped into a wild animal state, and I fought those fuckers off like my life depended on it.
It was the scariest moment of my life to date, I was certain they wanted to and probably could, kill me. Something deep inside activated.
When they came charging me from across the intersection, I had only a moment to react. Instead of panicking and running, I faced them. I began screaming and guttural sounds erupted from my body that I’d never heard before. I got low and held my ground, charging and yelling and punching as they leapt up at me, bared teeth and snapping jaws everywhere.
I became a wild wolf bitch, and I fought back ferociously. It was reported to me later that my screams were heard nearly a mile down the street.
After about a minute of the most intense confrontation of my life, they finally backed down and ran away.
My body’s capacity to access predator energy saved my life, or at least my limbs. I was able to command respect, by inhabiting my body with an energy that demonstrated my superiority.
It worked. I did get bitten and had the bejeezuz scared out of me, but I walked away without blood spilled.
I have spent hours replaying the incident in my mind. It’s a miracle I wasn’t hurt more. I almost cannot believe the beast I became!
And then again, I can.
Because I’ve trained for this.
I’ve spent much of the last 2 decades in a somatic healing journey of my trespass experiences as a woman.
I’ve gone down the rabbit holes of my past sexual, physical and emotional abuse, and dredged out all I could so that I could alchemize and heal.
Since then, I’ve found pathways to share, so that I could lead other women towards authentically living in their bodies, in their pelvises, and into their healthy sexual expression.
This experience with the dogs was like a moment of proving to myself just how powerful I’ve become.
I stopped being prey in my body, and I became not just a predator, as in someone who seeks out to destroy others, but a predator, like a SheWolf.
I was not going to be victimized again.
I have taken the time to heal my wounds and traumas, and re-imprint the sacred feminine predator energy in my nervous system. That’s a huge part of the story.
The other part is I’ve been training in mixed martial arts. I’ve been punching and kicking with my trainer 1-2 times a week since March and it’s given me confidence in my ability to defend myself.
In a recent podcast, Steve Magness spoke on how we build confidence as athletes. I loved hearing him speak to how confronting sticky situations in one area of insecurity can give us greater confidence across the board, in seemingly unrelated areas of our life. As introverts, challenging ourselves to speak to strangers at the coffee shop can actually help us train and become more confident athletes. I feel this happened to me with my own training.
Now, it’s not the case that I did some fancy punch-kick combos when the dogs attacked, but my nervous system had been prepared to fight back, and so when the moment came where I needed to, I had that gear to drop into.
Many women don’t realize just how important this gear really is.
Society shames women for being too alpha, too yang. It prefers the submissive yin feminine. But what about the assertive and exertive yang feminine, the power that pushes while birthing? The fierce mother bear energy, the shewolf who protects her pack?
Women, we often fall to our deepest level of healing, and if we have unexamined sexual trespass in our own experience (or direct lineage) this can undermine our power.
It shows up in subtle and surprising ways, like failing to stop our partners when sex begins to hurt, or not speaking up for our values when we’re in the minority at work.
I believe liberating my body from sexual trauma is the biggest gift I’ve ever given myself, and I believe it’s what saved my life in that dog attack.
I believe there is a potential in every woman to experience the entire range of her living pelvis.
For her body to have the full spectrum accessible to her, from the purring kitten with an exposed belly, to the ferocious wild beast with claws.
My journey began at age 23, when I first began to get messages from my body that there was something deeply troubling below the surface. I found myself wailing uncontrollably during yoga classes in hip opening postures, and I was completely alienated by this experience at first. ‘What demon has possessed me!’, I thought.
Gently pulling this golden thread, healing through body based practices and a lot of self compassion, I have arrived at a place where I can fight off a pack of dogs after my jugular.
It’s all because I trusted my body. At those very first yoga classes, instead of burying it down, I dug in. I witnessed. I got support.
And when the dogs came, I again trusted my body. I didn’t run, but I faced them. And I howled from my guts.
Because I’ve been in the eye of a hurricane before.
Women, if something has been arising for you, from deep inside your body, something needing to be reconciled, I hope this story gives you strength to face it.
I’m here for you.
Sarah coaches women to become radiant SheWolves, to embody their entire Living Pelvis. Connect with her for hands on bodywork or one-on-one coaching, or read more on her blog The SheWolf Pack or The Living Pelvis website.