Dear Sistar,
May I take you on a journey with me, back to my body?
“We are so disconnected from feeling; the Earth, each other, our bodies, our cycles, our sexuality, and ourselves, that we miss the very abundance of sensual life we were born to create and enjoy.” Woman Be Wild, Indigo
When I miscarried the child that would have been my fourth born, I knew it was a manifestation of a marriage that had run its course. I’m not saying that’s the case for everyone who miscarries a child, but intuitively, I knew that the reason I was gifted with such a precious life in my womb at that moment – for just a moment – was to spark the fire I needed to come back to myself… to show up for myself.
To love myself, again.
However, until I found the strength to embrace my truth and leave, I chose to get an IUD to avoid further emotional confusion that could lead to me thinking I needed to stay in a toxic marriage any longer. That baby was a message and I for him or her, I will forever be grateful.
I left.
I’m still gone as I write this and with every breath of freedom, and every intentional move I make, I thrive and live more in alignment each day! I’m learning to listen to the whispers more. I’m recognizing the nudges from my Spirit team, and because of this I am certain that the time has come to have my IUD removed.
I don’t bleed.
I might spot here and there, but I don’t bleed the way most of my Sistars do. The discussion of women being attuned to their sacred lunar cycle and the connection it creates with her intuition and nature is one that I had become uncomfortable with because I could no longer relate. Not only did I feel like an outsider and less of a Woman, but I felt triggered because I had chosen to cut that part of me off to make it easier to do what I needed to do. Some shame, yes. And honestly, I felt like I was missing out on something magical.
Normally, FOMO is not something I give into but this… this seemed to be something so big and special, and it tugged at my heartstrings for quite some time. So, imagine my surprise when I was asked to interview Sarah Lou.
Some of you might have caught my Toni Talk with Sarah Lou, “Our Living Pelvis: A Portal to Sacredness & Wholeness” in The Calabash Community, where we discussed the power and importance of a life of biological, psychospiritual, and mythopoetic radiance through a cyclic lifestyle.
Ugh.. Such a powerful conversation of listening to and living through your menstrual cycle!
Then, imagine my surprise a few weeks later when I went for my annual and my GYN couldn’t even find my IUD!
You’ve served me well but it’s time to go, Kyleena!
How divine to have had my ultrasound guided removal rescheduled on the day of the Full Moon in Sagittarius.
A time to take action from a place of optimism! A time for release and change!
Yes, please! More, and thank you!!
Since leaving my marriage, I’d been operating mostly in my masculine energy. Needing to do this! To get that done! To be all the things to myself and my family… to overcompensate for where I felt I’d fallen short in the past.
But –
Now, it’s as clear as a brand new day that it’s time for me to fall back into my divine feminine energy…
To lean into when I’m naturally productive or creative.
To lean into when I’m in flow (pun intended), or when I need to rest.
I’m ready to connect back with my defined sacral center, my sacral chakra, my life force energy.
I’m ready to return, back to my body.
Embodiment.
It’s time for me to feel, again.
To experience life through all my senses. The good, and the heavy.
It’s time for me to bleed again.
Sometimes what we choose to do won’t make sense to others. But, it’s not always for others to understand. Your truth is yours. Period.
About Toni
Toni Moné is a certified Spiritual & Life Coach and a Human Design practitioner. Her mission is to Activate Women and support them as they awaken to their divine natures, learn to embrace their radical truths, express their unique dualities, and create their personal journeys to freedom!
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