I remember the first time I stood up on that stage. I was wearing heels that were so tall I couldn’t walk in them and my legs were shaking from the anxiety. The music was pumping and there were so many people standing around the stage, dollar in hand, ready to throw it all on me. I took in a deep breath as I began dancing around the stage. The music coursed through my body, activating something inside of me that had been waiting to be awakened. I felt my Shakti rise as the music melded into me. I became one with the song and my body began telling the story of my soul. When my set was over and I walked off the stage into the dressing room, I looked into my eyes in the mirror. Something was different. My eyes were green and glowing differently and there was a sheen to my skin I had never seen before. It was like I was sparkling and the sight was so breathtaking. I felt this sensation of pure bliss stirring at the base of my spine. I had done this before and I knew it at that moment. Being up there on stage and expressing myself through my body movements was unlike anything I had ever done before but it felt more familiar than anything I had done. This was the moment I knew that I had awakened a part of me that would never sleep again. The sex priestesses are here once again.
Why is it that when a woman is confident in herself, she is shamed? Why is it when a woman is proud of her body, she is shamed? Why is it that when a woman wears what makes her happy, she is shamed? Why is it that when a woman is sexually empowered, she is shamed? Why is it when a woman is opinionated and strong, she is shamed? Why is it that when a mother is sure of herself and her sexual nature, she is shamed? Religious sexual repression, patriarchal standards, and the idea that women must do what they are told has been the driving force behind this shaming of wild free women. This is something that always bothered me as a kid. The idea that nudity was shameful never made sense.
Being raised as a Catholic, the way my mind perceived the world created quite a divide amongst my family and I. Even though I knew their way of thinking was not something that resonated with me, I still somehow ended up in situations where I allowed the repression of women to dictate the way I lived my life. I let men walk all over me. I did not set boundaries for myself. I was ashamed of my body and the way it looked in the mirror. I let men abuse me. I let them degrade me and rape me. I let them use my body in ways I never would have allowed if I had set my boundaries in the first place. I would find myself in situations with extremely dominant men who wanted to control my every aspect. The way I looked, the way I perceived, the people I saw, the things I went to do. I felt so trapped and so small. I did not even know how to have an orgasm because I was so disconnected from my sexual power that my pleasure centers were numb. I had been treated this way by so many people throughout my many lives and it took a long time for me to finally stop the cycle and step into my power as a sex priestess.
Self love. What does this mean to you? When you think about loving yourself, what does that feel like for you? Do you love yourself? All of yourself? The good and the bad? The dark and the light? Do you love all of yourselves, your past selves, your future selves, and the self reading this right now? Can you look at yourself naked in the mirror, your scars and stretchmarks like maps on your belly, your breasts sinking lower than they did when you were 18, and say I love all of myself on the outside and the inside? I think when we suffer so much trauma, the ability to love ourselves in this way can become very hard to do. We may feel guilty over something we did in the past, we may be full of regret, we may feel like we aren’t worthy, we may feel like we haven’t achieved enough in our lives, maybe we have children with men who don’t love us or them, maybe we said yes to an encounter when we really wanted to say no, or maybe we are pretending to be someone we are not… Whatever the shadow may be, it is okay. Feel it. Accept that part of yourself and show yourself compassion. You did the best that you could in that moment and there really aren’t mistakes in life at all but rather situations to guide us to the next evolution of our journey. Even when something feels so dark and heavy and that it may drown you, remember to breathe and allow yourself to feel. It will pass. Everything changes just like the seasons do. You are worthy of love in all of your phases.
Sexual repression is one of the worst crimes against humanity. Let’s think about it for one minute. Your reproductive organs are located in the sacral chakra. The sacral chakra is our portal of creation and it is here that your ideas are seeded, then they sprout, and your creation is born. This creation can be a physical creation, an artistic creation, or any creation at all. We have been brainwashed into believing that the only use for sexual energy is reproduction which could not be further from the truth. When we repress our inherent sexual natures, we deny ourselves the ability to create and step into our roles as creator beings. Women are the creatrixes of all that is in form and all that is formless. It is no wonder that the church tried so hard to make us deny of our sexual nature. Why would they want us to remember that we are meant to be the leaders of this world?
This denial can cause so many issues in many parts of the body. You may end up feeling blocked creatively, low libido, self conscious about your body, repetitive dysfunctional relationships, and can even have pain in the kidneys, bladder, and back. You may also feel isolated, lonely, and feel very disconnected from your body. This energy center is where your creative life force energy lies and if it is blocked, your life will feel stagnant and unfulfilling. How do we begin to get this powerfully potent sexual creative life force energy flowing easily once again? Dancing is how I was able to achieve this very thing and I hope after you read this you will give it a try for yourself. You don’t need to have sex with a partner for you to access this energy. You can access it for yourself and harness it for magickal purposes.
When I started working full time at my local strip club, people talked. Oh, they talked a lot! I was told that I was a bad mother, a bad partner, a bad person, or that I had no morals. People whispered behind my back but still I returned to the club each night expanding my skills and dancing abilities to the point that I actually became a pretty big deal at that little hole in the wall. I learned how to trust my body again. After a long year of practicing, trial and error, and many many bruises, I finally felt like I knew what I was doing. The confidence that sprang from my soul was unlike anything I had ever felt. Being raised by a father who wanted me to be perfect and expected perfection in everything I did, I always gave up on things when they were too hard because if it wasn’t perfect the first time then why try at all? I knew this was a crock of shit and I continued day in and day out to train my body to dance the way I needed it to. I learned so much and gained so much from this career choice. You may be reading this and feeling judgment in your heart that a mother of four chooses to dance nude in a club, but let me tell you that I wouldn’t care even if you did judge me. It doesn’t matter what you do or don’t do, someone will find a way to judge you. Let them. Does it really matter in the end? You already know you’re a bad bitch.
I had never been one to stand up for myself and I allowed so many bad things to happen for fear of abandonment or rejection. This was no longer a shadow I had to deal with after becoming a full time stripper. I learned how to communicate effectively with all kinds of people. I learned how to contort my bodies into pretzel-like positions and then jump upside down on the pole hanging on for dear life with my thighs. I learned how to hustle and how to put nasty men in their place when they disrespected me. I learned how to defend my own honor when someone tried to fight with me or whisper lies to my clients. I learned how to love this body that gave birth four times, my belly slightly sagging, breasts covered in stretch marks, and flabby arms. I saw the good in people who others may shy away from. I saw the heartache, the perseverance, and the strength of these women who danced their souls out on stage I learned how to say no and to put my foot (or 8 inch stiletto in this instance) down so that my boundaries were respected and if they weren’t, they would be tossed out into the street. In one year I became an expert on boundaries, sales, human emotions, the shadows people face, perseverance, and performance. I traveled the country and along the way I met clients who are still my friends to this day. They trusted me and were able to finally confide in someone after holding everything in for so many years due to the unfair ideas of what a man should be. I learned how to be authentically me no matter what anyone else said about me. No one else’s opinion of me has gotten me down since the day I began my career as a stripper. I was finally free. Free to be me.
The magick that comes from body movement is unparalleled. When you get into that flow state and lose track of time, the energy flows through your body removing any blockages holding you back and purifies your soul. Shakti is the personification of pure divine feminine creative power and when you awaken this energy inside of you, life changes forever. Within two months of my stripping career I had had my very first kundalini rising experience. I began being visited frequently by extraterrestrials, ascended masters, elementals, faeries, and beings you only imagined to be myths. My entire life changed overnight into one of magick, manifestation, and connection with Mother God. Although I was born without a veil, my psychic abilities grew to levels I had never believed to be accessible in this human form. I connected with all of my selves and my guides were now a part of my daily life. I became divinely guided, protected, and activated to the key codes of the Sophianic Grail.
The more that unfolded in my life, the more that I realized that these answers had been within me all along. I just did not know how to listen due to the programming and shame I was raised to accept as truth. You also can achieve this same level of reclamation, sovereignty, and acceptance of self. You don’t have to be a stripper to do so either however I truly believe dancing, body movement, and self care are the best ways to reconnect with your sexual nature and your womb space. Self care can be anything! It can be salt baths, rituals, singing, spending time in nature, spending time pleasuring yourself and exploring your body, doing your hair or makeup, eating your favorite meal, or snuggling up with a book and some tea. Until you learn to care for yourself and your body, it can be very hard to try to care for anyone else. We must put ourselves first if we wish to be the best partners, mothers, or single empowered women that we can be. You don’t have to dress a certain way, look a certain way, have a certain career, have a certain body type, have a child or get married… you are already enough right now as you are. You do not have to fit yourself into the mold of what other people believe to be feminine. Move your body and love yourself. You will be shocked at what happens when you add these two necessities to your life and schedule.
I reclaimed my body when I took my life into my own hands. I reclaimed my body when I decided to do what makes me happy regardless of the opinions or judgment of others. I reclaimed my body when I decided to be authentically me. I reclaimed my body when I said I had had enough and walked away from all that no longer served me including my relationship. I reclaimed my body when I destroyed everything in my life that told me I had to be a certain way to be a woman worthy of respect. I reclaimed my body when I stopped having sex with people who did not deserve my energy. People are worthy of respect and acceptance regardless of your opinion towards their way of life. And now we thank Lilith for standing up for herself so that she could be the wayshower for women in the age of patriarchal control. Without your sacrifice, we would still be chained down and silenced. Thank you beloved Lillith for leading me and helping me accept all of myself even the parts that may be uncomfortable for others. This body is mine and I will never silence myself again. Are you ready to break your chains?
It is time for us to break the chains of the patriarchy and remember who we are! Wake up, my divine sex priestess sisters. Wake up and remember where you came from. Wake up and remember that you have everything you need within you right now. We will no longer be silent. We will no longer be docile and submissive to the patriarchy. We will no longer allow ourselves to be abused, used, or walked on. Do you remember the way we used to worship the goddess, naked bodies dancing under the moonlight, the power of the Mother radiating from every cell of your being? If you have made it this far into my story, I am sure that we have danced side by side in another life. It is time to rise, my sisters. Can you feel that stirring at the base of your spine? It is time to rise, my sisters.
I work with sex workers and wild women who are ready to activate their Shakti power within and remove any blockages or programs that may be holding them back. If you would love to work with me so that you can feel empowered to be authentically you in whatever way makes your soul dance, please schedule a free consultation.
Anaya is a Certified Master Hypnotist, Holy Fire Usui Reiki Practitioner, Intuitive coach, and Exotic Dancer. She has transmuted extreme levels of trauma, abuse, and addiction in her own life so that she may be a wayshower for others. Anaya feels passionate about empowering people to empower themselves so that they can live a life in wholeness and love. Do you dare to be authentically you? Are you ready for your metamorphosis?