One October night in 2013, on the other side of Palomar Mountain, I danced with my shadow. I was wearing a crown and had a fan in my hand. I stood with my back to the full moon and my shadow cast itself far enough away to appear larger than life. The ground I stood on was granite and large boulders surrounded this valley like an eagles nest and I was a little birdie just finding my wings. When I spoke, the moon behind me responded. As I danced the boulders echoed back to me the truth. The energy I was expending was burning karma, getting me closer and closer to the most raw truth I could ask for. Did I know it would take me another 9 years to actually truly hear the truth of who “they” were? No, that night I was not expecting a final answer. I was dancing because I had so much pent up inside of me. I was dancing because I was in emotional pain for so long, and I had found a way to peace by way of forgiveness. I was dancing with my shadow out of gratitude for my dark self. I was dancing to alchemize the waking and dreaming self. I was tapping into my ancients, the ones in my blood. The drumbeat of my heart was my only music. I swear I stood still and my shadow kept dancing for me. The secrets she kept, the things she knew, the wisdom of not revealing the whole apocalyptic story (because I was still laughing at anyone who told a similar tale. You know laughing can be a protection mechanism we use to keep us from deep diving? Well now I know), just giving me enough truth to know I WAS ON THE RIGHT PATH. Knowing I was on the right path was all I needed. I just expanded in gratitude and closed my shadow dance with a long 88 strand Ho’oponopono. That mantra was a deep deep part of the recent epiphany and heart expansion I was celebrating that night. I closed down my communion with the Moon and my shadow and fell into a restful sleep in my tent. When I woke in the morning before even opening my eyes, I could see the Sun light through my tent and closed lids. The Sun welcomed me with the words “well good morning Cosmic Rainbow” haha there ya have it, my hippie name given to me directly by none other than the Sun herself. She then told me I was a princess of hers and all the shadow games to come would be to glorify and expand the mission, a path I was already on.
You see, this lifetime I was born into some dark karma. An MK Ultra trafficking cult, the pedophile leader breaking rank and dipping on his handlers, having us all leave the USA to get away from their control. He didn’t want anyone to have access to us kids being born into his cult. He wanted to be the final say. So they put his name on Interpol and he hid internationally until he died in 1994. That was the same year I escaped the cult with my baby girl. I had a raging ear disorder that I desperately didn’t want to pass on to my kid, so I worked hard for years with self help, traditional therapy and alternative healing methods to ensure she loved herself enough to not practice an eating disorder. At 19 years old, I was clueless and alone trying to navigate the world. When I began to heal, I started to experience power in the darkness. I began to see the evil could hide in the brightest blinding light and wasn’t always lurking in the dark. I chose to call out into the darkness and ask for someone, anyone who could hear me to respond.
My power was tantalizing and new. I was playing yet sincere in my ask. But what I didn’t understand was how close I came to falling into a life of servitude to true evil. The only thing that kept me on the sane side of life was my veneration for life. My true desire to see life grow and flourish. I knew death would come, but it would not be by my hand. So I took the next 20 years to burn that karma and understand why I was born into the heart of evil. I was a double agent, walking a line in the shadows that many could not. They say bravery isn’t a lack of fear, but continuing to walk ahead into the battle with fear in your heart but knowing what must be done. That was me. Naïve? Ignorant? Curious? Yes all that.
My shadows have always been my teachers. Facing against the blinding light to see shapes, dances and stories unfolding in the echo of the Sun. That moon dance I did, was diffused Sun speaking through the moon, to me a tiny Cosmic Rainbow. A little soldier princess ready to take up my place and fight for all the little children who can’t go home.
I wrote a booklet about how I documented my journey over the past 20 years. It will become the preface to the whole story when it’s published. You can grab it here:
It’s an easy read, made to simply outline instructions on how your written words become Magick when done purposefully over a long period of time. Writing my adventures and my dream walking helped me weave my story together until the truth was beyond evident. I know who “They” are now. And I know “They” lose in the end and good WINS. We all get to go home.
About Monique Ana
Monique Ana worked to heal the trauma of being born/raised in the Children of God, an international cult, the eldest of 13 siblings. Leaving the cult at 19 years old, with her two-week old baby girl, she immediately started on an education, therapy programs and self-care path.
She worked for 17 years in the biopharmaceutical industry & graduated from University Of Redlands.
In 2014, Monique Ana began launching entrepreneurial businesses and philanthropic programs, seeking to assist others on their own path out of exploitation. She maintains her HHP credentials for Hypnotherapy & a Master in Reiki with the International Board of Coaches & Practitioners (IBPC).
Monique Ana is the Founder and Executive Director of Victory Garden Sanctuary, a 501c3 providing opportunities for healing for those escaping human trafficking, domestic violence and cults.
She knows this formula will help survivors access their own internal guidance system, so they begin to gain clarity on their personal paths towards freedom.
She shares some information here with YOU!