Dear Sistar,
Have you ever shrunk your dreams because they seemed too big to achieve? Made them smaller so they seemed closer and more obtainable? I almost did that too… good thing I didn’t. Journey with me?
It’s August 3, 2022 and I was turning 39! It was my motha-f’ing birthday! I’m a Leo and proudly bask in my natural Lioness energy and sunlit aura – especially so on my birthday. This year I felt like I was on top of the world. Likely due to me having followed the nudges of my Spirit team earlier that summer, and flat out quit my job on the knowing that it was time. It was time for me to start making moves towards the dreams I knew were waiting on me.
I wanted to be a “working” Life Coach… not just a coach, in theory. However, with working full-time and being on the brink of burnout, my container was just large enough to hold space for my kids. I was starting to feel stuck… again. So, after being ignored by HR on my request for a much need mental health leave, I quit!
It felt incredible… until, it didn’t.
The first few weeks were great! I was… up! I was learning to navigate this newfound freedom and learning how to manage my own energy. It was a welcomed challenge. I made new connections, said yes to lunches with friends, and learned how to create reels on IG! I went LIVE on Facebook about how I was “open for business” and ready to take on clients, but then I did what I often do – I went quiet. I shrunk myself. Although I had two inquiries, they didn’t pan out. Instead of posting again, and putting myself out there, I stayed quiet. I was… low, and convinced myself that I didn’t have the capacity to hold space for clients.
Maybe I didn’t. Or, maybe it was fear. Maybe it was both…
I had started experiencing pretty erratic highs and lows to where I diagnosed myself as a manic-depressive. Spoiler alert: I’m not. One of my coaches helped me realize that I was just (gasp, human!). I was new to actually “feeling” since I had only recently had my IUD removed and was just experiencing my natural emotional lunar cycle.
Enter: 39! I was on top of the world! Naturally high, birthday plans with new friends ahead!
Five days later, I tested positive for COVID.
The first two days felt like death. Just… death. And guilt for having had so much fun the previous weekend, and feeling shame for getting sick. I remember telling my wise-beyond-her-years daughter that I was dying and she said to me – No mommy, you’re resetting.
She could not have been more right.
I had been trying to imagine what else I could do. I asked myself, if I wasn’t a life coach what could I be? I had studied to be a Spiritual and Life Coach; I had told everyone that I was building a coaching practice. If I wasn’t a life coach then, who was I?
Under the influence of the virus, I started to believe that perhaps I wasn’t meant for this big dream life that I had always imagined for myself. That maybe (just maybe) I was meant to live a normal, comfortable, and small life. Not be a Speaker, or an Influencer, or the Six of Wands personified like I had always dreamed. Maybe I really was delusion. But maybe – my Vision was too big. And, I actually became okay with that. In retrospect though, I realized that was me giving up.
Surrendering.
That week during COVID, I was forced to surrender and listen. And what I heard was the most calm “yes” that I had heard in a very long time. The question: should I go back to school?
So, within a week I was signed up to complete my BA in Creative Writing & English with a concentration in Screenwriting. That felt good. I’d even get a few extra dollars in my pocket for it. #cha-ching
A coach I know from high school shared a group program but only I signed up. I’m getting to work with her 1:1 for 4 weeks at a group rate instead of her private coaching rate. #score
In school, I’m taking a class called Perspectives in History which piqued my interest to watch the movie “Hamilton,” which offered me insight that I shared in an email conversation with a potential new employer who has a startup with a vision and a mission that feels sooo good in my soul! I got hired on the spot. To write. I got hired to write for a living. I got hired to share my voice as a part of this major movement that I will share more about soon. I got what just might be my dream job because I surrendered to the soft whispers of guidance that had been patiently waiting for me to listen. #winning
So, no. The journey has not been what I imagined it would be when I left my old job; it’s been so much better… much deeper! It serves as a reminder that we can’t always see the entire picture which is why we are often asked to just trust. You know that whole creative writing thing… well that, coupled with my love of exploring perspectives, lead me to create a Storytelling & Writing Intensive to support women as they step into the next version of themselves and the next chapter of their lives.
My first group coaching program.
I share all this because we are all Visionaries in our own rite.
A Visionary can clearly see the past, present, and future all in one breath and tell the story for its Wisdom & Purpose & Potential.
A Visionary sees opportunity & gratitude in challenges.
A Visionary chooses to surrender to the support that is always available to us so that the path to the vision becomes like an intuitive dance that can only be felt by the Soul.
Dreams are not meant to be small. Oh, no. We are supposed to be delusional! Our dreams are meant to be wild and rich with imagination that supports us as the greatest and highest version of ourselves.
We are here on purpose and if we shrink ourselves down to anything less than phenomenal, we are doing our Soul a disservice.
The journey to our dreams isn’t meant to be easy. Trusting the process of the journey is not easy! However the challenges along the way are experiences meant to prepare us for the next step…to take that FIRST step. So the next time you have a big dream, just know you’re on the right path. Trust me, you’ll see it soon.
My coach challenged me to take a new step towards my big Vision.
I present, Toni Talks: The Podcast.
Keep dreaming, Sis!
About Toni Moné
Toni Moné is a certified Spiritual & Life Coach with an interest in Human Design & Astrology. Her mission is to Activate Women and support them as they awaken to their divine natures by helping them shift limiting perspectives and define life on their own terms! She helps them to embrace their radical truths, express their unique dualities, and create their personal journeys to freedom.
Learn more about Radical Storytelling – Storytelling & Writing Intensive
Connect with Toni Moné
IG: @tonishamone
Toni Talks: The Podcast | Toni Talks LIVE only inside The Calabash Community
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