“Ancestors unknown and known, the loved ones I had so intensely grieved, were all in attendance. I felt tears fall, dropping to the floor, glistening like diamonds.”
“I guess you wonder where I’ve been. I searched to find a love within. I came back to let you know, got a thing for you and I can’t let go…”
..Some people go around the world for love. But they may never find what they dream of. What you wont do, do for love. You’ve tried everything, but you won’t give up. In my world, only you, make me do for love, what I would not do…” -lyrics to “Do 4 Love”, a cover by Snoh Aalegra
Here we are, The Ancestor Issue.
I remember when I saw the call for submissions in The Calabash Community for this issue. I got excited, but that excitement was short lived.
My attempts to brainstorm ideas, were met with mental white noise. I got nothing. Every few days or so, I would double back to the idea of writing for this issue. And every chance, I was greeted with silence. I initially gave up on the idea of writing a submission, altogether.
My first question to myself was, “why the silence? confusion? resistance?” I mean, ancestral medicine and death work is my jam. Connecting with my ancestors has always added zest and zhuzh in my life. I honor and appreciate my ancestral connections. So why did this seem so complex?
“I guess you wonder where I’ve been…”
Over the past few months, experiencing life has been greeted with sudden deaths and immense grief. Unshakeable, unexplainable and unrelenting grief. Processing the death of some of the people I loved most, seemed like a cruel and heartless joke.
I had little words for anyone-in the physical or the spiritual realm. Just “why?”
I remember the anger and rage I felt, when asking that question. I needed answers. I wanted guidance from the Ancestors I revered so much. I needed an explanation, I could trust. But, I never received such reprieve.
I was made to sit, with these moments and grieve.
Grief hurts. Grief gets heavy. Grief shifts you. Grief guides you. Grief is love, unwilling to die.
“Some people go around the world for love…”
And as I’ve grieved, I’ve healed. Ancestral silence has evolved into divine wisdom. I revisited the questions that had brought me such sadness, “Why? Why did life have to end for them? Why does grief seem never ending?” I waited in curiosity and wonder for their response.
I closed my eyes and saw myself in a sacred, consecrated space. The room dazzled from the crystal adornments and luminous light. I wore white garments, covered from head to toe. I couldn’t move or speak. I was indeed standing on holy ground.
Ancestors unknown and known, the loved ones I had so intensely grieved, were all in attendance. I felt tears fall, dropping to the floor, glistening like diamonds.
I looked up to see her, the most ancient and wisest of ancestors. She appeared next to me and I fell to my knees. She cradled me like a baby, wiping my tears, enveloping me with her energy. The room grew still, quiet, as she spoke:
“Come, Child. Sit.
This is the space that death has created. This is the space your love has grown. This is the space your grief has healed. Remember the words that Donny (Hathaway) spoke?
‘I love you in a place, where there’s no space or time. I love you for my life, your a friend of mine. And when my life is over, remember we were together. We’re alone now and I’m singing this song to you…?‘
THIS is that place.
Please understand our silence is never a punishment or abandonment. Sometimes you are the only guide you need, the only voice to listen to. Our silence allows you to grow. And my, have you grown.
The incomprehensible in life won’t always produce answers. Be not moved by the uncertain of those moments. Even in our silence, you trusted we were here. You trusted our love for you, would never lead you astray. You trusted love, even in your grief…”
She kissed my forehead, whispered in my ear, then disappeared. I sat in that space, until my soul was renewed, my spiritual cup now filled to overflow.
There’s a quote from John Green’s, “The Fault in Our Stars”, that I have held close to me, that simply states: “Grief does not change you, it reveals you…” In that moment, my ancestors revealed to me, the magnitude of what my love, and grief, can do.
“I came back to let you know…”
I want to encourage you, to seek solace in the silence. In the challenges, the chaos, the conflict, seek the answers in things unspoken. I want to empower you to seek refuge in the wise counsel of your ancestors-known or unknown. They’ve waited lifetimes, just for you. Listen to where your spirit desires to traverse, even if grief is the guide.
May grief impart you with an abundance of ancestral gifts and wisdom, for your journey.
In Love, Light + Liberation,
In dedication to my ancestors + transitioned loved ones. Those who speak through notes, rhythms and words. The ones whose infinite + immense love is felt in sound + vibration. I am forever grateful.
K. Rae’Lynn, aka Rae, is an End of Life Doula, Grief Support Guide, Ancestral Medium + Intuitive Energy Practitioner. Through methods of intuitive communication, divination, mediumship, sound teaching, empathetic listening, brainstorming, and various psychic clair-sensory gifts, Rae honors her soul’s mission + ancestral calling in supporting souls on their journey of progression, healing and spiritual evolution. As a diviner, Rae’s primary goal is to offer the clarity, courage, support, and encouragement needed to create impactful life changes. As a death care practitioner, Rae combines intuitive support, compassion and empathy to create sacred death and grief experiences.